From Nov. 2005..more on being gay, gay, gay

From Nov. 2005

All Worked Up About Conversion Therapy
by J.T. Benjamin
copr. 2005

In case you didn't know, or knew but had simply forgotten, a couple of months ago I came to the startling conclusion that I must be gay. I'd gone to the website of Focus On The Family, read the section titled, "Helping Boys Become Men, And Girls Become Women," and took a good, hard look at my own childhood. Based on their criteria, I showed all the signs of "gender confusion" as a kid and that, as a
result, I must be gay. I don't understand why I still lust for women in all their glorious looks, moves, colors, shapes, and forms, but it does explain my
longtime desire to play the Emcee role in my local theater group's production of "Cabaret."

Still, it ain't easy being gay. Certain segments of society don't want you teaching their kids, serving your country, or entertaining you on stage and screen. They don't even want to sell you a used car. Hell, some prominent religious figures and politicians have even blamed gay people for the destruction wreaked by Hurricane Katrina. Something about God's wrath for New Orleans' decadent, permissive lifestyle. How would you like THAT bit of guilt around your neck?

So I kept reading the information on the Focus On The Family's website, and it turns out they advocate a form of "conversion" or "reparative" therapy to turn people from gay to straight. I figured, what the heck. I'll give it a try. I did a little homework and here's how my initial conversation with a conversion therapist might go.

*****

So, Mr. Benjamin, if you'll just pay your retainer check we'll banish those nasty homosexual tendencies and have you watching football and drinking beer on the couch in no time.

Uh, just a minute, Doctor...Kuvacky. I hope I said that right. I still have a couple of questions. How's this work again?

It's very simple. Homosexuality is a mental health disorder. As such, it can be treated through therapy so that your homosexual tendencies can be curbed or
stifled, and you can then engage in a normal, heterosexual lifestyle.

Actually, I did some reading on that. The American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of disorders in 1973. It seems this woman named
Evelyn Hooker studied psychological tests of groups of homosexual and heterosexual men and she found out there was no difference between the psychological makeups of the two groups. The APA decided if gay men didn't act like they suffered from a disorder, homosexuality shouldn't be considered a disorder.

Well, Mr. Benjamin, what the APA didn't take into account was the fact that homosexuality is ITSELF the disorder they're looking for, so it's no wonder they
noticed no difference.

I see.

Anyway, it's well known that homosexual lobbying groups pressured the APA to remove homosexuality from the list of disorders. Now, if you'll just sign that check...

They did? Is that a common practice in the psychiatric community? Do schitzophrenics lobby the APA to remove multiple personality disorders from the
list? Do manic depressives lobby to remove bi-polar disorders from the list?

Mr. Benjamin, we're getting off the subject, here, namely your desire to be heterosexual.

That's right. I've got another question. How successful is this treatment overall?

There's a long list of testimonials to the treatment's effectiveness. On Dr. Dobson's website, he says there are more than eight hundred success stories.

I saw that. Any names? Reports? The website didn't provide any documentation or references.

Uh, not that I'm aware of. Still, eight hundred successful treatments is very impressive, don't you think?

Well, it depends. How many people actually tried the treatment? If the treatment has a ninety-percent success rate or even seventy-five percent, that is
impressive. But if it's less than, say, fifty percent, that's not so hot, wouldn't you say?

Uhh, Mr. Benjamin...

Actually, I took the liberty of doing some research on that question, myself. In a 1999 article in Angles, The Policy Journal of The Institute For Gay And
Lesbian Strategic Studies, Dr. Douglas C. Haldeman, PhD cites several studies which show conversion therapy success rates somewhere between twenty-five and thirty-eight percent. So taking Dr. Dobson at his word, eight hundred success stories mean at least sixteen hundred failures for the treatment. Dr. Haldeman also talks about the fact that most of the "success" stories documented in the studies were of
bisexual men, not homosexuals. Don't you think that's fudging the numbers a bit? Counting a bisexual man as a success when he was already leaning in that direction?

You seem like a "glass-is-half-empty" type of person, Mr. Benjamin. All this emphasis on failure. We'll have to work on that. There are plenty of
testimonials from many, many successful patients of the treatment.

I noticed that. I read some of them. Virtually all of these success stories are from men. And they all seem to be heavy-duty fundamentalist Christian men,
too. A lot of talk about prayer and Bible study.

Prayer's a very powerful tool, Mr. Benjamin.

But if I'm a Buddhist or a Muslim or a woman, am I shit out of luck?

You're not a woman, Mr. Benjamin, this is where the gender confusion comes in. We need to get started right away, it seems.

And what about long-term success? What're the chances that if I go through treatment and I'm cured, that I won't fall off the wagon again in the future?

You seem to have the answers to your own questions before you ask them, Mr. Benjamin, so why don't you tell me?

Dr. Haldeman reviewed several conversion therapy studies in 1994 and he found that not one could claim any substantial rate of long-term success. In fact,
one religious-based program reported that more than ninety percent of the "successfully treated" subjects had continued to have homosexual fantasies and
behavior after treatment was completed. If you were "converted" to heterosexuality, should that be happening?

Uh, Mr. Benjamin...

Can you cite one objective study which shows this therapy actually works?

Conversion therapy has a track record...

The American Psychiatric Association has denounced conversion therapy.

As we discussed earlier, the homosexual lobby has...

So has the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Counseling Association, The American Federation of Teachers..."

Mr. Benjamin...

The National Education Assocation...

Mr. Benjamin!

The Royal College of Nursing......

What about all those successfully treated people Dr. Dobson refers to? Are they liars?

Not at all. If they're genuinely happier for having gone through conversion treatment, more power to them. I won't begrudge anybody their happiness. But even
placebos can have beneficial effects. And I'm just wondering how many of those success stories are of people who've genuinely gone from gay to straight, and
how many just SAY they're happier as heterosexuals, just to get the pressure off. And how many more have said, "This is bullshit. I'm outta here?"

Mr. Benjamin, the ink in that pen's going to dry out if you don't...

And the peer pressure must be enormous, don't you think? Especially coming from Dr. Dobson's crowd. They say homosexuals are an abomination. The worst of the worst. Responsible for all kinds of bad things, from 9-11 to AIDS to hurricanes. If you wanted to get out from under that kind of heat, you'd say just about anything, wouldn't you, Doctor? In fact, I've got just one more question for you.

(Sigh). Go ahead.

Why do the same people who call homosexuality a mental health disorder call homosexuals evil and an abomination? If they're mentally ill, they can't be
held responsible for being sick, can they? That's like calling someone evil for contracting cancer or for having depression.

Mr. Benjamin, I think it's clear we're both wasting our time, here. You're not really interested in treatment.

I guess you're right. If I don't want to spend time and money on a treatment that has no record of working on a disorder that's not a disorder, and which has
been denounced by every reputable psychiatric and psychological association in the country, yeah. I'm not interested. Sorry to have wasted your time, Dr.
Kuvacky. Did I say that right?

Actually, the name's C-V-A-C-Q-U-E. The "V" is pronounced like a "W." And there's no "Y" on the end.

Your name's pronounced, "quack?"

Yes, Mr. Benjamin. As in a duck.

I was thinking more as in, "fraudulent charlatan hawking cockamamie hare-brained pseudo-psychological bullshit."

Mr. Benjamin, are you calling conversion therapy some kind of snake-oil?

Hey, if it cvacques like a duck...