Quote of the day

"Ladies...as long as I have a face, you've got a place to sit."

Kip Addotta

Plan B = Teen Sex Cults!!!

Too bizarre for words.

In case you didn't know, or knew but had simply forgotten, Plan B emergency contraception (also known as the morning-after pill) has been having a rough go with the FDA. The Powers That Be have been stalling final approval for Plan B to be dispensed over-the-counter since 2004.

Keep in mind, Plan B is an emegency contraceptive device. It's not an abortifacent. There's a difference, because in theory, the armies of anti-choice shouldn't have a problem with preventing pregnancy, right?

Well...

One of the FDA's cockamamie reasons for opposing Plan B is that easy access to morning-after contraception would lead to "extreme promiscuous behaviors such as the medication taking on an 'urban legend' status that would lead adolescents to form sex-based cults centered around the use of Plan B."

This pipe dream was set forth in a memo written by Dr. Curtis Rosebraugh of the FDA, quoting Dr. Janet Woodcock, the FDA's deputy operations commissioner.

It's not about teen sex cults, by the way. It's all about stopping whoopie. Give people ready access to contraception, and they'll use it. They'll be having sex for fun, not for procreation like good little mindless drones. They'll have big "I got some last night" shit-eating grins on their faces all day long. They'll be enjoying themselves instead of being miserable.

Then where will we be?

Churchill: "It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations"

I love quotations. I've got in my library some thirty books of quotations, from the standard classics, (Bartlett's, the Oxford Book of, Seldes' Great Quotations and Great Thoughts,) to some of the more exotic stuff (637 Greatest things Anybody ever said, The Portable Curmudgeon,) and some way-out there things like "Savvy Sayin's," a collection of aphorisms from western lore.

For a while back in the 90's, I used to check books of quotations out of the library and hand-transcribe them into three or four spiral notebooks. I had to stop doing that because I'd never get through them all before I had to return them. I've still got file folders full of loose notes of quotations that someday I plan to compile into my own volume, "Benjamin's Familiar Quotations." I know, I know. Dare to dream, eh?

Why am I bringing this up?

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing."

Charles Bukowski

I like that.

...And Two Steps Back

South Carolina, where kids can play with toys, but adults can't.

From the article:

"The South Carolina bill, proposed by Republican Rep. Ralph Davenport, would make it a felony to sell devices used primarily for sexual stimulation and allow law enforcement to seize sex toys from raided businesses."

Concealed firearms are perfectly legal, but dildos? Book 'em! Where's the National Sextoy Association when you need it?

Here's a key passage for me:

"Rep. Davenport, who is from Spartanburg County, did not return several messages Friday to talk about his bill, which was introduced last month. No other legislator has signed on as a co-sponsor and its passage this year seems unlikely."

God forbid the man have the balls to stand up for his bill and say, "I refuse to let consenting adults do what they damn well please in their own bedrooms. If we encourage people to treat sex as something fun, then where will we be?"

Notice too that nobody's backing Davenport's bill. This is simply an attempt on Davenport's part to demonstrate to the hard-right wing Holy Terrors in his constituency that he's catering to their anti-whoopie whims, never mind the First Amendment and the fundamental principal that some things are just nobody else's damn business.

And yes, Davenport is a Republican.

This is big. Al Gore on Gay rights

Yes, he endorsed DOMA under Clinton, but people can change their attitudes and their outlooks on life. (Hint, Fearless Leader! Hint!)

Al Gore comes out and says some nice things about gay relationships, here.

From the article:

Saying there are "many kinds of love," Gore referenced the "gay marriage" ceremonies performed at San Francisco in early 2004, and then said, according to a transcript: "[S]ome reacted with hatred and anger. What I saw that was just overwhelming was the love, the joy, the purity of the excitement that that love was being honored.

"It is that love, after all, that is at the heart of why everybody is here. That is what must be honored and respected. Your right to fall in love with who you fall in love with. And your right to expect that that will be recognized with the same dignity and honor that love is recognized for other couples."

***

Gore then said that Americans in the future will view the current debate over homosexuality in bewilderment. The nation will evolve, he added.

"[A] future generation will look back and truly wonder how this could have happened [this controversy], just as we look back and wonder how some of the strange practices that embody such horrific injustice in ages past but never have been tolerated -- they will look back at this period of time and feel puzzled and they will see and understand that the vision that has brought all of us here inspires a passionate devotion to justice and necessary change and the feeling of camaraderie among us all," he said.

"... You know that what you are engaged in is the furtherance of a vision that is true and just and it does require the evolution of consciousness along a pathway that is a logical extension of what the United States of America has always promised to humankind. You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. And the United States of America will, at some point say, 'What you are asking is what you shall receive.'"


We can only hope. It's a shame Al needed to have an election stolen from him to bring out that inner passion. On the war, on the environment, and now on gay unions. This is one of the more moving statements on the subject I've ever heard a national politician make.

Bushco: Celibacy Rules!!!

Unbelievable. From the Think Progress website.

The Powers That Be have made their agenda all too clear. They're trying to shut down any sex not specifically between husband and wife. And they're not too wild about sex between husband and wife, either, if it's not expressly to produce children.

All Worked Up About BBWs

I can't believe I haven't posted this one on the blog yet. It's been far and away my most popular column.

ALL WORKED UP ABOUT BBWS
By J.T. Benjamin
Copr. 2005

True story.

A few months ago, my Lovely Wife and I were invited by some friends of ours to a “passion party.” A “passion party” is sort of like a Tupperware party; someone has
friends and acquaintances in their home, provides snacks and refreshments, and has a salesperson from the company in question offer goods and products for the guests to buy. However, at a “passion party,” the goods and products aren’t makeup or plastic containers for storing food, they’re sex toys. Dildos, massage oils, buttplugs, that sort of thing. Now, before I go any further with my story, I have to
explain that my Lovely Wife is no stick insect. How would I describe her? Let me get out my thesaurus.

My Lovely Wife is busty. Bosomy. Curvy. Buxom. Curvaceous. Voluptuous. Full-bosomed. Full-figured. Well-developed. Well-proportioned. Amply-endowed.
Big-breasted. Stacked. Robust. Built like a brick shit-house. Made for comfort, not speed. Baby got back. Zaftig. (Had to look that one up. Sounds like an eastern European guerilla fighter. “Colonel, the troop train’s been sabotaged!” “Damn that Zaftig and his band of rebels!”)

My Lovely Wife likes “Rubenesque,” after the Dutch painter Peter Paul Rubens, who used full-figured nude models, including his own wife, in dozens of his
famous paintings. However, most people are unfamiliar with the works of 17th century Dutch masters, so when I mention my wife’s Rubenesque figure, the uncouth
heathens’ eyes glaze over and the connection sails right over their uncultured heads.

Now that hot and sexy singer/actress Queen Latifah is moving up the A-list of celebrities, I can say my Lovely Wife is “BLQL,” or “Built like Queen Latifah,”
and people get it. I like that one a lot.

The most popular term I’ve heard these days is, “BBW,” which stands for “Big Beautiful Woman.” Not sure I like that one. Consciously inking “big” and
“beautiful” together like that suggests to me that the two words are generally not closely associated with each other, and they may be normally considered
contradictory, like “military intelligence” or “compassionate conservative.”

I have to point out that while my Lovely Wife happens to be a BBW (or, as I prefer, BLQL), and while she is the Sexiest Woman Alive, I don’t generally go for BBWs
as a group. I don’t go in for blondes as a group either, or blue eyes or long legs or tall women or petite women or pierced nipples or any physical group
in particular. My lustful appetites are happily diverse. The only absolutely hard and fast rule I have is “No ribs showing” and an IQ level somewhat above that of cottage cheese. Sorry, Paris Hilton. It just wouldn’t work out.

Anyway, back to the story. After the party had finished, the saleslady was taking my Lovely Wife’s order for a vibrating dildo and some knick-knacks for the bedroom. As they were wrapping up the transaction, the saleslady said to my Lovely Wife, “I
think it’s great that someone of your size feels so comfortable with her sexuality.”

Now, I know the saleslady meant it as a compliment and she was trying to close the sale. The two of us didn’t even think about it any other way until we were
driving home and my Lovely Wife said to me, “I think I was insulted tonight.”

It took us a couple of minutes to think about it, but yeah. That was an insult. Of COURSE my Lovely Wife is comfortable with her sexuality. She wouldn’t have
gone to the party if she hadn’t been. Why assume she wasn’t? Because she’s full-figured or voluptuous or a BBW, or whatever the hell you want to call it? I
realize we’re making a big deal about an innocuous little remark, but I can’t help but wonder if the saleslady made similar comments to any of the other women at the party.

“Lisa, I think it’s so great that you don’t let your tiny little boobies get in the way of your sexuality.”

“Joanne, it’s a credit to stick insects everywhere knowing you enjoy sex so much.”

“Debra, I’m glad to see you’re so enthusiastic about sex despite having that horrendous hairdo.”

“Bonnie, it’s nice to watch you and your husband prove that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to a good sex life.”

Now, at the party itself, my Lovely Wife demonstrated a better knowledge of the ins and outs of sex than the saleslady herself had. Also, judging by the lustful
stares and comments a bunch of the other guys at the party made in my Lovely Wife’s direction, I’m not the only one who thinks I’m married to someone hotter than
a two dollar pistol. So I’m thinking the only reason the saleslady would have made that comment to my Lovely Wife is because she operates on the assumption that BBWs simply don’t have sex lives as fulfilling as those of more “normal-sized women.”

To quote my favorite Gershwin tune, “It Ain’t Necessarily So.” Kathryn Mullen, publisher of the e-zine called www.Goddessmag.com, points out that 63 million women in the U.S. wear dress sizes between 14 and 24. Legendary actresses like Mae West (size 18), Jane Russell (size 16) and Marilyn Monroe (sizes 12 to 14) fit into the BBW category. And “according to a British University study conducted in England,
full-figured women have sex more regularly, were more understanding of others’ body issues, and overall liked their bodies more than their thinner sisters.”
Think about it. Who looks more confident? More self-assured? More fun in bed? Anna Nicole Smith, or Callista Flockhart?

Fortunately, my Lovely Wife is so comfortable with her own sexuality that she didn’t let a dumb comment by a knuckleheaded dildo saleswoman interfere with her
self-image as the Sex Machine that she is.

In fact, I’ve decided that the perfect word to describe my Lovely Wife is “voluptuous.” Not only does the word mean “having a large bosom and pleasing
curves” but the original Middle English definition means, “Devoted to or indulging in sensual pleasures; Directed toward or anticipating sensual pleasure;
arising from or contributing to the satisfaction of sensuous or sensual desires.” (See www.dictionary.com).

“Voluptuous” isn’t just a physical description; it’s a sensual and sexual state of mind.

Hell, I could have told you that. I’ve been married to it for fourteen years.

A mild rant (mild for me, anyway)

When I started my “All Worked Up” column and, subsequently, this blog, I didn’t intend to necessarily become a “sex-and-politics” spokesman. My original goal was to simply rant about the little things, about how there are very few decent porn movies, my obsession with breasts, my admittedly bizarre crush on Emma Thompson, and so forth. Looking back at my writings, however, I’ve noticed a clearly political slant to practically everything I’ve put down. So, to those who say I’m probably TOO political, especially with regard to the Holy Terrors and their War on Whoopie:

They started it.

Me, I’m just an ordinary guy who likes getting laid, and I assume most people out there are just like me in that respect. Being the latter-day hippie that I am, I’ve long ago adopted a “live and let live” policy with regard to sex. Everybody’s got at least one kink, and since I can’t make sense of most of my own, (especially the Emma Thompson one), I don’t feel it’s appropriate to try to understand those of other people, let alone stand in judgment upon them.

In other words, whatever consenting adults do to get their rocks off is their own damn business and none of mine, and I just ask for the same courtesy with regard to my own kinks and turn-ons.

However, it hasn’t worked out that way.

For me, it first happened when I was about thirteen years old. My dad, an unusually enlightened fellow, had capped our little “entering manhood” discussion with a celebratory box of condoms. He figured that if I truly wanted to experiment with sex, there was no damn way he could stop me from doing so. By buying me birth control, he not only made sure that if I played, I played safe, and that I knew he’d rather I go to him for information than trying to sneak around and obtain it from other sources.

Dad asked me if there was anything else I needed, and I said, “Yeah. How about a Playboy magazine?”

I’d seen them before, at friends’ houses, in their dad’s basements and stuff. Since my own father was being so generous about it, I figured, why not shoot for the moon?

To my surprise, Dad said, “Okay.” Again, he figured I’d get the magazine anyway, he might as well make sure I didn’t get caught shoplifting it or something.

So, together, we went down to the local convenience store and purchased a Playboy. It was the Playmate of the Year issue, as I recall. Monique something-or-other was on the cover.

The Playboys were kept behind the convenience store’s counter, so my dad had to ask for a copy. The clerk asked him something about whether he liked it or not, and my dad said, “It’s not for me, it’s for my son.”

A pair of old biddies were sitting nearby, drinking coffee, and they laid into Dad, saying how disgraceful it was that he was corrupting his own son.

Dad looked them straight in the eye and he said, “Maybe I am. But he’s my son and it’s none of your goddam business.”

(Dad’s from the south, and down there they tend to swear in single words. Goddam. Sumbitch. Fuckinasshole.)

Ever since then, I’ve been aware that for everyone who wants to enjoy sex in its various forms, there are at least three self-righteous fuckinassholes who would rather sit in judgment and cast stones, instead of minding their own goddam business. Most of these sumbitches are cut from the same cloth. Holier-than-thou. Seeing the world in black-and-white. Sin is everywhere. I’m going to heaven. You’re not. Reagan rocks.

Worse, as years have gone by it’s become much more than letting a teenaged kid look at pictures of naked women. It’s become beating up gay people. It’s become telling women it’s better to be dead than sexually active. It’s become shutting down free expression. It’s become battering down peoples’ bedroom doors and invading their most intimate spaces.

In my time upon this earth, I’ve met many, many interesting people with a wide diversity of sexual interests; from the slightly kinky to fun-loving freaks to the seriously deranged. They’re all good people, not withstanding their funky ways to get their rocks off. In fact, that funky sexual element is part of what makes them interesting. They don’t deserve to be persecuted and judged by self-righteous assholes who have nothing better to do than condemn them as sinners, or worse, try to take away everything they have just because they can.

I admit I like politics. However, I like sex more. I’d much rather wax rhapsodic on nipples, erotic books, and Emma Thompson’s lips than on things like Congress, the President, the Constitution, and all the rest of that shit. However, if the Holy Terrors won’t leave me and my like-minded friends alone, I’ve got no choice but to fight back. You ain’t busting down MY bedroom door.

Rant over. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

At last! A counterpunch against the War On Whoopie

On "The Hill" website:

Senator Reid is drawing the battle lines.

Finally, a Democrat is starting to act like a Truman Democrat.

"The Prevention First Act is sponsored by Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (Nev.), one of few congressional Democrats considered anti-abortion. The bill, which Reid introduced at the start of the Congress, has the support of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.), presumptive front-runner in the 2008 presidential primary and 21 other Democrats.

The bill would prohibit group health plans from excluding contraceptive drugs, devices and outpatient services if they cover the cost of other prescription drugs and outpatient services. It would also require the secretary of health and human services to disseminate information on emergency contraception to healthcare providers and require hospitals receiving federal money to provide emergency contraception to victims of sexual assault.

The bill would also mandate that federally funded programs provide information about contraceptives that is medically accurate and includes data on health benefits and failure rates."

Notice the spin on the article, however: Senate Dems to pursue new strategy on abortion

It's not just about abortion. In fact, the bill doesn't address aborting pregnancy so much as it does preventing it through sex ed and birth control. However, the reporter is allowing the Holy Terrors to continue framing the debate to ensure it's about their agenda and not that of sensible people. A better headline would be, "Senat Dems To Pursue New Strategy On Sexual Freedom."

Still, it's forcing the Holy Terrors to address the larger issue. Abortion is only one small battle front in the War On Whoopie. It's about choice, it's about privacy, it's about liberty, it's about being left alone.

Sen. Feingold backs gay marriage

I'm about ready to hitch a ride on the Feingold in '08 bandwagon.

This takes guts.

"Sen. Russell Feingold (D-Wis.), a prospective 2008 presidential candidate, said yesterday that he thinks bans on same-sex marriages have no place in the nation's laws."

"Feingold called the amendment "a mean-spirited attempt" to single out gay men and lesbians for discrimination and said he would vote against it. But he went further, announcing that he favors legalizing same-sex marriages.

That puts him at odds with many prominent Democratic politicians who support gay rights but not same-sex marriage. Should Feingold decide to run for the party's presidential nomination in 2008, his position would put him to the left of many likely rivals."

I think the Holy Terrors will pull out all the stops to keep Russ from getting into the White House, he being Jewish and all. When I say they're going to try to crucify him, I hope I'm only meaning figuratively.

That could be why Sen. Feingold is doing this now. He's going to be painted as the Anti-Christ anyway by the Holy Terrors, so he's got nothing to lose by pissing them off to no end.

As for me, I'm glad to see a Democrat start acting like he's got some balls. Harry Truman would be so pissed right now that he's the only one.