Another Oldie But Goodie

From November 2004

ALL WORKED UP ABOUT SEX ED
By J.T. Benjamin
Copr. 2004

My oldest daughter is thirteen going on fourteen; smack in the middle of puberty.

Pray for me.

As deeply immersed in the culture of sexuality as I am, I’m also deeply concerned about my Lovely Wife’s and my responsibilities toward our daughter and her
sexual development. I leave most of the educational stuff to my Lovely Wife. It’s not that I’m a coward about discussing women’s sexual issues, it’s just that
my Lovely Wife can address our daughter’s concerns about that stuff without having to consult a book. My role is mostly to recall what’s on the minds of
twelve-and-thirteen year old boys and play Pappa Bear.

I growl a lot. I complain about the outfits girls are wearing, I give her the third degree about who she’s with and what she’s doing, and I threaten to not let her date until 1) she’s thirty, 2) I’m dead, or 3) both.

It’s mostly an act. When my kids are adults, I’d like them all to have adult sex lives as healthy and as enjoyable as the one my Lovely Wife and I share.
Maybe not as kinky as ours is, but hey. And I know that for my kids to have healthy attitudes toward sex as adults, it’s our responsibility as their parents to
cultivate those healthy sex lives while they’re growing.

Here’s the problem. I know for a fact my Lovely Wife and I, have been very careful about the exposure our daughter receives about sex, and that with that exposure comes a responsibility to educate. However, I also know for a fact that somebody’s been getting into the erotic magazines, videos, and books I keep hidden for …uh…research purposes. I’m also certain my daughter’s picked up a helluva lot more about sex than her mother and I have given her. This is because when I was my daughter’s age, I had no trouble whatsoever picking up more information about sex than what my parents chose to share with me. Since my daughter’s smarter than I am, it stands to reason she’s had even less trouble than I, thanks to her friends, the media, and the school system.

I wish it didn’t have to be that way. It’d be nice if responsible and thorough information was somehow downloaded into the brain of a young person upon
reaching adulthood. So when my daughter blows out the candles on her eighteenth birthday cake, this little lightbulb would go off over her head and she’d
say, “Ahh….the clitoral orgasm. Very interesting.”

Of course, that's wishful thinking. Instead, my Lovely Wife and I not only have to rely upon our own vigilance, but we need some kind of backup, as well.

Our school system, in its wisdom, last year launched a new sex education program. Thanks to the influence/pressure of local prominent church organizations, our school district is emphasizing "Abstinence Only" sex education. If you're not familiar with the term, "Abstinence Only" sex ed means that the main emphasis upon young people is to practice abstinence and/or preserve their virginity until marriage. In fact, abstinence is emphasized so strongly that sex ed teachers are actually discouraged from discussing ANY aspects of sexuality beyond the absolute basics. Subjects that are commonly avoided include sexually transmitted diseases, homosexual
behavior, birth control, and of course abortion.

The "Abstinence Only" movement really began in 1996, in response to the fact that the U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the developed world, more than
twice that of Canada, England, France, and Sweden. By encouraging teenagers to abstain, and by avoiding the discussion of topics which might encourage or even
acknowledge experimentation, the theory goes that the pregnancy rate would go down.

Interesting theory, and I confess that as a parent, it has a certain appeal. I'd rather not think about my little girl experimenting with sexual behavior before
she's an adult and/or I'm in my grave.

When I heard about my school district's program, I figured I'd do a little research and at least give the district the benefit of the doubt. My Lovely Wife and I would of course continue in our proper role as main educators of our daughter's sex life, and we would count on the school district to, if not fill in the gaps, make sure the gaps weren't left open to be filled by misinformation from friends and the mass
media.

So, before I signed the permission slip, I did some research into "abstinence only" sex ed.

And you know what? It doesn't work. It doesn't WORK! My daughter is being educated in a program that DOESN'T WORK!!!

Advocates For Youth at www.advocatesforyouth.org issued a report in 2004. The report, titled "Assessing The Impact," spent five years analyzing the
"abstinence only" programs in ten states across the U.S. for the programs' impact upon teen sexual behavior. And the programs don't work.

Looking at short term effects on sexual behavior, of six programs analyzed, one program showed mixed results, three showed no impact, and two programs
reported INCREASES in sexual activities among schoolkids. That's right.
In one third of these "abstinence only" programs, sexual activities actually went up. When I read that, I wondered if these kids are even being taught what the
word "abstinence" means!!

Even worse, in the long term, none of the programs reported decreases in sexual behavior. Worse still, the students in these programs tended to ignore or be
ignorant of issues such as birth control, avoiding pregnancy, and even the use of condoms.

The report concludes, "Abstinence only programs show little evidence of sustained (long-term) impact on attitudes and intentions. Worse, they show SOME NEGATIVE IMPACTS ON YOUTH'S WILLINGNESS TO USE CONTRACEPTION, INCLUDING CONDOMS, TO PREVENT NEGATIVE SEXUAL HEALTH OUTCOMES RELATED TO SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. Importantly, ...NONE of these programs demonstrated evidence of long-term success in delaying sexual
initiation among youth exposed to the programs."

Pardon my shouting, but I'm pissed off. The school district might as well use my tax dollars to have my daughter hang out in her friend's basement with some
old Playboys. I mean, if that was good enough for her father...

I'm kidding. But I am actually also pissed off. After all, it's not just my daughter who's impacted by her school's crappy sex ed program. The friends she
hangs out with and the boys she'll eventually date are also impacted, and my Lovely Wife and I can't control a damn thing about what THEY learn. Or don't learn.
All we can do is be willing to answer questions and explain, make ourselves available at all times, pray, and hope for the best. If all goes well, by the time
my daughter's eighteen, she'll know all she needs to know.

And right about at that time, puberty will be hitting my son like a mack truck.

Pray for me.